A slightly Stream of Conscious Post,
Finding and gathering all my strengths, slow inside not to fast but with steady movement, some days falling back maybe what seems like a lot, but after a huge block of time like a season or something I see Iam steadily moving forward forward all the time.
Hard to say good bye to things that aren't addictions but really are ... Saying goodbye to friends who I thought were good for me but always knocking me down by telling me thats not possible or thats not vegan or that doesn't fit into our group. Hmmm, sometimes the ones that are supposed to be best friends are the worst friends, especially if their to locked into dogma and you met on the grounds of that dogma... Kinda like we are our own worst enemies...
Loyalty, traditions, and nostalgia are sweet things... but sometimes they are being stuck. I was a pure vegan for a lot of years and now Iam mostly, but I eat a some raw meat and sardines and raw free range eggs a little hear and there. My blood type is A+, which means that Iam naturally more of a vegan and quite easily in the world of all that, but Iam 47 now and too much of that has shown signs of aging and depletion which I guess would be no big deal to some because iam still looking really good... I dont want to look like all the people I see that are older vegans, and even raw food vegans, their faces dont like right even though they have no grey hair...
I saw Jameth Sheridan at Raw Spirit Fest 2008, and I was wearing a shirt that immediately helped him to identify that I was not young, "hey your an old guy too" he said, I think I was wearing an old ATARI shirt that I found at a vintage clothing store, I assumed that he was a little bit older than me, well, because he looked a little older than me... A few weeks ago I listened to him on Kevin Gianni's feature speaker show whatever it is called : Roundtable or something, and found out he was 39...
HE is total 100% VEGAN!
I must doing something right ,
well I know Iam,
but I do get down on myself,
They say be nice to yourself, I think Ive been nice to myself for too long or maybe just long enough, because now i think it's time to get tough on myself..
Ive ended all the toxic relationships in my life, well, at least the ones that are obviously toxic:
personal relationship, bad artist friends who seem more like macho jocks more than nurturing beautiful artisans creating beauty; Iam a musician, most musicians are arrogant assholes, I might be too , but at least Iam aware of it...
The other toxic relationships: coffee and all stimulants and marijuana...
oh yea: and as well, also toxic: giving a shit what people think!
Iam gay, I dont associate with gays anymore, it, a lot of times always seems to wind up being about the same thing at some end and you know what I mean... and Im talking about same sex men, not women; lesbians are awesome! Iam celebate now, I refuse to be defined by my sexuality...
Iam celebate now, so Iam nothing as far as being gay hetro or bi anymore...
Iam celebate because it is said that when you shut down that flow of energy it turns into creative energy... and that is what i need...
John Frusciante from the Red Hot Chilli Peppers is celebate after years of excessively tasting everything that is bad and desensitizing on every level from the one pure thing that makes us a unique from animals... He is mad creative artist on every level... !
That is what I want !
Too much in our culture is defined by sex... god damn, I dont need that input anymore...
I have almost died, and I have almost got myself lost in a world of over-stimulation. Too many distractions, too many cellphones, too numbing, too much pay TV, too much YOUTUBE, way too dilluted, too much power, too much corruption corporation disguising itself as important shit.
Every tarot card, every oracle card, every psychic , every dream I have tells me it is music, music, music that Iam supposed to do... I do it all the time, but Iam scared, or I was scared...
I want to stop being stuck, I want to stop being dilluted, iam going into hiding because my energy, creativity and uniqueness is too attractive to too many people...
It is easy to get trapped i guess because i want an audience to make sure it is all real I guess...
But not that kind of audience, enlightened people always go and live in caves and do things alone; holy fuck, god made me this way for a reason, just because there is no one else like me does not mean Iam ldoing the wrong thing, I dont feel that way,
but sometimes too many people look at me weird
and they say I am too extreme..
a psychic yesterday told me PEOPLE dont get US...
hmm, she put me in the same category as her...
I prefer to be a solo musician and I like to play alone on stage with a guitar and a ton of synthesizers,
and I consider myself a musical channel, or better yet: a sonic channel...
So I guess Iam on the level with a psychic in that sense...
Well,
actually,
I saw 3 psychics yesterday, and I got a massage at a psychic fair here in my hometown, They (the psychics) all pretty well said the same thing:
music, music, music
and that the gold is right around the corner..
OK, yea I know my shit rules,
but I totally hate everything about what it takes to be successful in music except the music; my music is gold, but my skills with the business are horrid...
and probably the worst thing is that MY music fits in no box,
and it is really not entertainment,
it is art!
People use music and art like a whore these days, it is cheap entertainment to distract them from the beautiful things they really should be doing, like sending love, or going to an art gallery or appreciating life and nature.....
So one of the psychics I saw was a past life "seer":
Ive been here a long long time...
Ramtha says that old souls are bums, because they dont care, because nothing makes any difference because nothing really does make a difference, you just do it again if it doesn't turn out right...
money, sex relationships, career
all that shit is crap, who cares
YEA, thats definitely what I think!
all I care about is beauty
I like to help people too, Im very inspired in that , which is an easy and fun distraction for me, because I can certainly get a big audience doing that,
I think my wellness blogs on youtube have gotten me more attention than my music ever,
but then again, I did my wellness blogs on youtube purely from my heart, and really just kind of as notes to myself, too mark time...
just like all my tattoos
Im going to hit the ground running,
I have been today ....
This is my last life and I need to be amazing and change the world!
Truth Calkins told me to back off on the urgency of my creativity and allow my JING to rebuild.... and me creativity would eventually be like 15 year olds again
I thought that was going to take a year for me to feel that... but it is already budding....
Iam doing things with nutrition now that I thought a rawfoodist shouldn't do...
Im a raw Omnivore now...
and I go against what all the mainstram raw food vegans do:
like the Boutenko's say we dont need supplements...
well,
if your extreme like me,
and you want to be 15 at 47: WE DO!
It is NOT the Garden of Eden Here...
the Planet is dying, and so is the constitution of the human being...
My friend Laura saw Donna Gates at a weekend seminar:
and Donna said not to worry about over population because humans wont be able to breed anymore pretty soon anyway....
our constitution is completely failing....
There was a study a while ago with cats were they sort of starved the cats of a proper diet,
you know,
kinda like us ( collectively as humans, not me , and some of us others)
but after 4 generations they could not reproduce, and if they did they were complete mutations....
Hey
guess what ?
we are four generations on of foolish lifestyle away from the earth mother
eating our shit laboratory food (again, not ME, and a few of us others)
but here's the time line, OK ( with my own birth as a marker):
I was born in 1963, my parents were the first generation to start eating shit in the 50's although they probably ate right when they were early on,
their parents were the first generation closest to the earth, and eating WHOLE FOOD, working backwards...
So all of us born in the late 50s, early sixties are generation 1 eating crap,
Since i didn't have kids, Im going to switch to my brother's lineage (who is 2 years younger than me) to follow the time line,
his kids were born in the 80's ( Gen 2)
His kids are having kids now (Gen 3)
Next one after that, is dead end!
Our topsoils are depleted
No minerals.....
Our bodies need amino acids and minerals and fats...
The Organic food your buying,
while yes it is free of what shouldnt be there anyway,
it has no minerals,
because being organically labeled does not require that it be frown in proper mineral rich soil...
So it's crazy to think we dont need supplements....
because mineral ARE NOT in the food !
Isn't it kinda ( totally) AMAZING that we label food with a special label like "ORGANIC", when it is the "conventional" food that should labeled:
CONTAINS PESTICIDES !
I guess thats kinda like calling "cow" beef, just sounds better , Aye!
or like the early McDonalds Scam advertising of saying the hamburgers grow in a hamburger patch....
yea but Im not a Nazi Vegan either
so dont think Im saying that Vegan is the only way
and why is everything all or nothing in our culture?
We need a little bit of animal protein,
there no way around that
why Im I writing this post when I should be working on my music
who cares....?
yea
Im just trying to write a little everyday to get in touch with myself deeper
